Monday, November 19, 2007
3:37 PM
Reminiscence
It is 4am and I am still wide awake. Something is wrong with me. I should be asleep by now. GCE ‘O’ Level is over. There is no more reason for such insomnia anymore. As I lay on my bed, the still air hanging over my head is being punctuated by occasional wails of sputtering engines. Why are there still people awake at such an unearthly hour? Do they face the same problem as I do? Would they understand? My mind wandered, searching for an answer to a question that I will never know- An endless spiral to a chasm down below into the depth of my paradoxical thoughts. Do I even understand myself?
Unbeknownst to me, tears had been sliding down my cheeks, wetting the pillow that my head rested upon. It was one of those unexplainable moments again, too profound for even the most logical person to comprehend. It was one of emotionality, an intangible quality so abstract and ephemeral that no name had been given to it. It was one intense feeling felt by all- an inextricable part of our soul that rarely emerges. Yet right now, at this very moment, I am experiencing a miracle. There is a celebration of the human conscience in me as I felt the explosion of fireworks tugging at my heartstrings.
Something snapped within me and somehow I knew. It was the thought of graduation, of prom night, of leaving my friends, of leaving the past behind me and embracing the unknown and uncertain future that lies ahead. Like a comet that has travelled along the same route since its creation, it is now displaced, knocked off course by a passing asteroid. Just like the comet, I have reached a crossroad. The journey in front splits into difference entrances of various promises and enticing possibilities. My fellow comrades had all made their decision and now, I stood alone, unable to choose yet powerless to move back in time. Yes, it is this very feeling, this inability that was causing me such emotional trauma.
The memories we shared, they will forever be etched in my mind. I cannot imagine my life without each and every one of you. I would like to thank you for making a difference in my life for both the good and the bad. Without the good, I will never have learned to cherish. Likewise, without the bad, I will never have the chance to better understand our unique characteristics and team dynamics. For everything that has made my secondary school life worthwhile, I thank you sincerely with every beat of my heart while it still continues.
Here I am, lying on my bed unable to go to sleep. The LED light of my alarm clock reflects 4.01am. I have insomnia and the raucous roaring of the traffic is not helping at all. Tears are beginning to dry and for me, that signifies a new beginning. In the space of one second, I have become braver, more courageous. I am confident that comets may collide someday too, however small the probability. For this one second of hope, I am full of faith. For this one second of reminiscence, I have found the meaning of life.
Thank you for sharing wonderful times with me and being part of a memorable history in making. For that I am eternally grateful. It is 4.02am and I finally understood the essence of the billion thoughts swarming in my mind. It may be one selfish request encapsulated within a question but it would be all I ask for: Do I have a place in your 4am reminiscence?
By: Wee Peng
